A ROLL IN THE BAY
Sexuality... what a topic!
There is so much to say about that. As we are in the 21st century, we have the opportunity to talk openly about sexuality without being afraid of the taboos associated with it. In the new generation, people speak easily about their sexuality so it can be extremely disruptive for a person who doesn’t feel like others, who doesn’t feel part of the normal mold of our society ... who defecates in a bag.
I had every right to talk about sexuality through my blogs. My main reason was that I am a 21-year-old woman who underwent surgery at the age of 18 with no boyfriend to support her during that event. I have waited for the right moment to tell you about it. Here I am today, newly single after a beautiful relationship which unfortunately ended. I’m alone and I have started talking to guys who have no idea of hat happened to me in the past and what is hidden under my sweater.
After a separation, my first reflex is to go on a manhunt. I want to prove to myself that I’m still able to attract and seduce men. I talked with those close to me and I realized that I wasn’t the only one to challenge my sex appeal instinctively. Even if I’m a physically untypical person, I react the same way as other young people my age. I felt relieved about that.
However, chasing men is one thing but having sex is quite another. I analyzed my personal approach for the benefit of this blog and in order to share my experience with you.
The easiest and fastest way is to choose someone who already knows your story. Then, the hardest part is already done. However, I want to challenge myself sometimes so I opt for an unknown man and a new experience. This can be very challenging especially at the very beginning when the easiest and fastest option doesn’t exist. I talked to my ex-boyfriend about my ostomy during our first meeting but it's not always like that. Sometimes, I have waited until the 5th meeting before announcing it. The important thing is to respect your own rhythm.
I’ll keep you in suspense and wait until another blog to explain to you how I disclose my ostomy to others!
One step that I think is very important is to show your stomach, your scars and your bag during a moment completely independent from the sexual relationship. It’s also important to answer all questions and concerns the other has especially if he’s confused or knows nothing whatsoever about it. This way, your partner will feel more comfortable when the moment arises because he will know what to expect when removing your clothes.
Based on my experience, the only thing people tell me when I show them my stomach after having explained to them everything about my ostomy is:
"It’s just that?"
Yes. It's just that. You don’t have to dramatize the fact you have an ostomy or to put yourself down. Your partner will detect how you feel about your body. Love your body and he/she will learn to love it too. See yourself as seductive so that he/she will desire you.
My last tips to ease the process of restoring your sexuality would be the following: Do it in the dark the first times. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Be daring. Use negligees or lingerie that will make you feel beautiful and seductive. Use abdominal bands like ANA's NANSSIA which is sexy while providing protection and discretion.
The options are endless as long as you pay close attention to your needs and desires.
Never forget to love yourself and have fun.
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