WHERE DOES LOVE STAND IN ALL THIS?
I think THE question every ostomate asks themselves is: Will someone like me the way I am? I definitely wasn’t an exception, and when you’re single at almost 32 years old, you wonder how to bring up the topic of ostomy. Mostly because I usually opt for dating websites.
I didn’t really like dating websites, but in this era, it’s usually the best way to meet someone. I know a lot of people who found someone that way, so why wouldn’t it work for me? Being chronically ill doesn’t really help, especially when you have a stoma! I know we need to accept ourselves first, but human nature being what it is, people can be afraid of the unknown, and being sick doesn’t help me one bit. I’d be lying if I said that people are always empathetic. Let’s just say I scared off certain types of people! But they weren’t people I wanted in my life anyway. Let’s just say that all the sorting happened naturally, and it was better this way.
The killer question is, I think: “When do I admit that my body is different, that it’s on an extended warranty?” The answer is different for everyone. Everyone within my own circle, which includes my family, friends, coworkers and many more, knew about it. But it’s not something I’d say in an email, and I can’t see myself telling someone that “by the way, I have an ostomy pouch” on the first date!
I think it depends on how I get along with the person, on his values, and what I have in front of me, I talked about my disease to some people via email, but I never mentioned my pouch. I usually bring up my Crohn’s disease on the first date, and usually everything goes well. I mentioned my stoma on the second or the third date. It rarely goes further than this, because it’s very hit-or-miss. I like to see their real personality right from the start.
I never really had any questions about my ostomy. I think it’s maybe because of my own ignorance, or because I thought it was disgusting. Then again, maybe it wasn’t Georges’ fault. Maybe these guys weren’t worth it after all!
In the end, the way you bring up the subject is different for everyone. You need to feel comfortable with the other person, and believe that something could happen between you two. And if they don’t react the way you hoped, know that you’ll find someone else who will be able to live with it!
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