As I’m writing this blog, I’m waiting for my annual follow-up appointment with my gastroenterologist at the CHUS.
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What seemed inconceivable to me for years suddenly became my solution. The idea made its way into my head and I was now ready to turn the page. I was referred to a Quebec City specialist and I chose the option of a permanent ileostomy.
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At the age of nine, the disease broke out and I received my diagnosis. It wasn’t easy...
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Depression is a disease treated with recognized treatments. They allow people to regain control over their lives and daily activities.
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Dear Crohn's disease, I continued to live, trying to avoid thinking of you, even if you were, sneakily and constantly, gaining ground.
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You don’t know the power you possess until you’re stripped of your ability to act on it.
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The war was declared, I had been parachuted into hostile land and faced the enemy. I was unarmed, but confident.
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I realised that it’s important to accept support from loved ones, that resilience is important to move forward and that I’m strong inside even though I’ve a fragile shell.
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Leaning and suffering against the doorframe, it was a question of time, not of choice. When I got out of the hospital, I weighed 90 pounds, was painfully thin, weak and had an ileostomy.
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Without my disability insurance, I would probably be in debt today, because I wouldn’t have been able to pay all my bills during my long sick leaves.
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In my case, my story’s trigger was a cancer and as my diagnosis was made late, the only option was a permanent urostomy.
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I will understand you if you tell me that you’re afraid and hesitant to be operated on even if you have informed yourself on the subject and if everyone tells you that it’s the best thing to do.
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Let me tell you my story. Maybe it looks like yours, maybe not. Some points of my story might seem familiar to you and make you realise that you’re not alone in your situation. There is no embarrassment to have an ostomy.
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You get someone who can share stories of pain and strength, sadness and recovery. You get someone who values every healthy moment, and is ready to live life to the fullest. You get someone who can handle anything.
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I have completely analyzed myself! My way of being, my tendency to keep everything for myself and my trend to keep my frustration in my stomach aren’t all ideal in the case of Crohn’s.
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My little prince and I then met in intensive care. I was in complete denial about my ileostomy.
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When I first started experiencing anxiety (somewhere along my IBD journey) I again waited a great deal of time before seeking help. I either thought I was just over reacting or worse case scenario, I was completely loosing my mind.
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Whenever I thought about maybe not getting an erection, it was all over: There was nothing for me to do anymore. I spent around a year and a half being unable to flourish my sexual life. I’d always tell myself that my problem would solve itself on its own. I figured that not being able to have an erection when you’re 20 years-old is impossible. I was wrong every time I told myself that.
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So on October 3st, 2015 I had a subtotal colectomy procedure, leaving me with a temporary ileostomy. For the past year I’ve lived with my stoma as I’ve allowed my body to recover. Not recover from the surgery but recover from a life with ulcerative colitis.
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After learning about my 27th surgery, I felt like I was stuck between the choice I was making and the one my family made. My mind was elsewhere, and I felt lost and sad. I didn't know how to tell my family I was not undergoing surgery.
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